A Present Moment Experience
Have you ever noticed, observed yourself distracting yourself from something happening within yourself? Maybe a cluster of energy moving around within you, maybe rapid thoughts you can't tame.
I'm currently experiencing something I'm having difficult describing to myself. I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling or what's going on. So earlier Mike used our new Theragun on me, and woah.....it definitely shook me up. If you haven't heard of the Theragun, youtube it. It's a tool for vibration therapy, I'm still learning how it works so my description won't be that great. Anyway, he was using it on me, applying the vibration to stiff, tight areas within my body. He was following the shape of my muscles and working things out for me.
Some areas brought up memories from childhood, ones I was unaware of. And it honestly freaked me out. It triggered emotions of mild fear, sadness, and overall confusion.
Definitely weird, and I'm watching myself eat to keep distracted and busy from what's going on within myself.
It just makes me wonder...I'm genuinely trying to observe and watch myself, to notice my patterns and habits as I'm actively trying to break/change them. I don't know many other people besides Mike who do this, then again I am not that big of a social butterfly.
It makes me wonder....all day long I'm feeling energy within my body. More so feeling stuck energy and the discomfort of this blockage of free flowing prana. Do other people have this type of awareness of themselves? I never use to. I use to be so shut off to myself, my emotions, my feelings. I would try to be everyone but me, trying to fit in with whoever was around me because I had no idea what the hell life was and why we were here. And the thought of not having any control of what was going on, freaked me out. I have a tendency to latch on to what's around me. I think apart of this stems from my childhood, always traveling and moving schools, leaving new friendships behind. I think it also stems from being a human being.
It makes me wonder....how often people numb themselves from feeling the discomfort inside. This makes me feel compassionate in this moment, for those who are not the most pleasant of people.. for I believe they are only acting that way because of how they were raised or treated, or maybe they're in so much pain they don't know how to handle it so they project it onto the world around them. It's so difficult to find compassion for these people, to love them and still choose to see them for who they are beneath the pain and struggle. This is where the genuine work of being a "light worker", "human", "a good person", whatever you want to call it comes in. Holding space for anyone and everyone around you, staying within your vibration of contentment and joy so that they may find hope. You know what it's like to struggle, to feel confused and often worried, nervous, stressed or fearful. Choosing to keep your heart open and stay in a positive space while the world around you seems ever changing is not easy. It's something my handsome man has taught me, maybe not intentionally, but he has. He is that example-someone following their dharma and helping and loving others along the way. He chooses love and is as objective as possible, to see truth from as many angles as he can. How many people do you know choose to be this way, choose to raise themselves up by themselves, and help anyone willing to put in the effort and energy to contribute to their own well being. It's beautiful, and I've been practicing this deeply the past few days.
I made a commitment to myself on November 13th, that I would practice 365 of yoga. Both on and off my mat, everyday, all day. I've practiced 8 classes in the past 5 days, all about an hours worth. I've been trying to be kinder to those around me, to smile more, to give more, to listen more, to be honest and open. It's weird honestly! It's weird switching old ways of being to a better way.
Ever heard that once you heal yourself you heal the world? Well. I believe when the change starts within, it ripples around you. When your energy is pure and high vibing, others can feel that, others want that, and others are inspired by that. That is where living your truth becomes the most crucial thing you could do for yourself and the world.